Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Still running

During Engineer Daddy's business trip I didn't have any time to run. It's not even an excuse this time. I had people coming over to help with the kids, but they always went  home right afterwards, so I was stuck inside for the entire 10 days he was gone.

Yesterday evening I went for my first run in 12 days. It was way better than I expected. I figured I'd do the shorter 5.3km trail, but when I got to the end and still felt really good, I just went for it and finished my 7km route. I did not get out of breath, did not get the dreaded side stings, just felt on top of the world. Afterwards I even did some ironing. Running, check. Being a good housewife, check. Booyah, baby!

Monday, September 30, 2013

Soooo busy

Crazy busy lately. But even so, I've managed to lose some additional weight! I'm at 73.5kg right now. I love seeing the weight moving down. This has also marked a milestone: I'm officially at my pre-pregnancy weight (of my son's pregnancy). Back in January I bought some pants that are getting seriously loose right now. I should not be wearing them anymore but they're so comfy... I don't feel like buying anything new right now either, since I want to lose some more first.

Let's deal with those first world problems later. For now, I'll just update my stats and move right along.

Oh and on a family related note: ZwitsalBaby is responding well to the antibiotics and his lungs are almost completely better! I didn't think it was possible, but he is crawling around even faster now, getting into loads of trouble already. He is also pulling himself up and started cruising around. I guess I will need to have a good physical condition if I want to be able to keep chasing him around! Now there's some motivation.

So here come the stats!

Height 165cm (5'5")
Starting weight 76.5kg (168.3lbs)
Starting BMI 28.1
Current weight 73.5kg (161.7lbs)
Current BMI 27.0
Lost weight 3kg (6.6lbs)
Goal weight 64kg (141lbs)
Goal BMI 23.5

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Son, scale and business trips

My son is still having troubles with his lungs. He coughs a lot and is short of breath. We had several tests done and all of them have been negative. There's nothing out of the ordinary with him, but this nasty infection is still sticking around. Antibiotics should solve the problem. Here's hoping! In other news he just figured out how to crawl and is all over everything. We will have to make sure to keep an eye on him. Nothing is safe anymore. I just love him so much sometimes it feels like my heart's going to jump out of my chest; I hope he feels better soon and ready to conquer the world.

In weight loss world there's nothing new under the sun. Still trucking along. This weekend was hectic and I did go over my points allowance, but I didn't let it bother me. Yesterday I played badminton during lunch break and had another 7km evening run. Today I did Zumba, so I figure that should make up for any weekend excesses.

I'm still contemplating buying a scale, because I do believe I should have lost some weight since I last checked. But I'm still on the fence. On one hand it would be nice to track the loss better, but on the other hand I do tend to get a bit obsessive about the scale, weighing myself every day and getting disappointed when it goes up and down, which is bound to happen anyway. Maybe it is better for me to just weigh myself once a month, when I'm visiting my parents. I'll mull it over a little more.

Engineer Daddy is going on a business trip for 10 days. I'm getting lots of help from family, so the kids and I should be fine, I just hope I'll be able to go running once in a while. I hope I can fit it into my planning somehow.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

New distance

This evening I extended my run. I have been doing a 5.3km run for a few weeks now, but this time I felt really good and decided to keep going. I did 7km (4.4 miles for you non-metric people). It was kind of a snail pace and it took me 53 minutes, but I didn't feel the need to take a single break. Really starting to feel that my physical condition is improving.

Woop woop! I'm kind of proud right now. Even with this cold I can still find the energy to do this.

Fall has begun

The weather is changing around these parts. Last week we had summer temperatures and the sun was shining like mad; this week the temperature dropped drastically and it has been raining virtually non-stop. Fall has begun.

I don't mind the fall to be honest. I like the cooler temperatures and seeing the leaves change colors. It makes a morning run so enjoyable. I'm also a big fan of fall fashion. Leather boots, scarves, hats, ... it's accessory paradise! That's a standard jojo-dieter's quote, by the way. It doesn't matter how much I gain or lose, my cool hats will always fit. That's a depressing thought right there.


This sudden change of climate has some annoying side effects: My first cold of the season! I am a ball of snot. My head is throbbing. My muscles are sore, even though I didn't do any weird new exercise routine. I just want to go home, make myself a huge cup of cocoa with an even huger mountain of whipped cream. But instead I am sitting behind my desk at work, sniffling away, and for this evening I am planning my standard 5.3km run. I am going to do it, no doubt about that, but it's going to be verrrry difficult to get my arse in gear. How on earth do people work out while sick? I've never understood it and now I understand it even less.

Bitch bitch bitch whine whine whine. OK it's out of my system. *Phew*

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Why I'm scared of weight gain

I am a big fan of blogging in general. I read a ton of blogs about on all kinds of topics: Motherhood, pregnancy, weight loss, fitness, feminism, fashion, ... One thing fat bloggers write about is why they hate being fat. A beautiful example of this is 101 reasons I hate being fat; it hasn't been active for a while but I really love browsing through the archives. It is an interesting topic for me, not because I recognize these problems. I am not at the point where my fat is really holding me back to do anything I love. But it is a great reminder of the reasons I am trying to lose it now: To make sure I never get to that point.

Clothes Shopping - I love shopping for clothes! I am not a fashionista or anything, but I love the challenge of going into the shops and finding stuff that is fashionable, flattering for my body and reasonably cheap. I don't mind shopping for larger sizes, I've done it during my pregnancies, but let's face it the offer is never as trendy or plentiful as it is in the normal size range. Furthermore, the bigger I get the less clothes I find suitable for me. I don't want to show off my fat upper arms too much, or wear short skirts in fear of bearing my thunder thighs. This last problem is off course all in my head, but it's there nevertheless. At this moment I am already reaching for the larger sizes in the normal clothes shops. I just don't want to push the limit and find myself banned from them altogether.

Saggy Skin - No matter how fat you get, you can always find some way to lose weight. It has been done. In extreme cases surgery might be necessary, but you gotta do what you gotta do. But even if you lose half your body weight or more, you will be left with saggy skin. Skin removal surgery can be a solution here, but that comes with its own risks and scarring etc etc. What a hassle! If you want to get your body back in the easiest way, best to start sooner than later. So I'm choosing sooner.

Fitting in Seats - I can't even imagine what it would be like not to fit in movie theater seats, or chairs with armrests, or airplane seats. These are in fact things fat people have to worry about. It's like a constant stress factor on top of everything else, because when you start to take notice, we have to sit down in seats with predefined maximum sizes all the time. This is something I do NOT want to worry about. Life's too hectic as it is, thank you very much.

Amusement Parks - I don't go to amusement parks often, unfortunately, but when I do I always enjoy it. I love going on rides, the faster and higher the better! A few weeks ago we went to an amusement parks with the kids and it was so much fun taking MiniMe on rides for smaller kids, seeing her little face light up. I don't ever want to miss out on anything like that, which is a possibility when you are too fat to fit into the carts. No way I want to have that happen to me.

Feeling Self Concious - This is a complete vanity thing. Like I said in a previous post I enjoy feeling pretty, which I just don't when there's too much flab hanging on to my body. I read some blogs by larger fashionistas (like this one) and I think they are fabulous and so beautiful. I wish I could do what they do, but I'm not there (yet). I believe in fat acceptance and health at every size, but I guess the cultural norm of beauty is just too ingrained in my brain. It's sad but true.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Plan of attack evaluation

OK, weekend is over and it was great. I had a good time, so let's see how I did food-wise...

- Original Plan: This is the thing I will choose to indulge in. The plan is to have two glasses maximum and that's it. Just enough to get a taste, but not enough to get hammered.
- Evaluation: Succes! I did not have more than two glasses of alcohol with dinner, both on Friday and Saturday. They were delicious, by the way. I was never even so much as buzzed.

- Original Plan: Stay away from it! It just fills me up and I don't get to enjoy the other food as much. And off course it comes with the best butter, full of saturated fats and salt. Steering clear of that.
- Evaluation: Success! I did not have any bread during dinner. I didn't even really miss it. I am very proud of myself, because reaching for the bread basket is just such a habit. I did have one roll at lunch on Sunday,  but that was mainly because the dish I had ordered was very small and I needed something to sustain myself.

- Original Plan: Go for the veggie option, like a soup or a salad. To get my vitamins in and go easy on my stomach.
- Evaluation: No succes. I had some salmon sushi on the first day. It was a pretty small portion so I can't feel too bad about that. On the second day I had a veggie starter, so yay!

Main course
- Original Plan: No big slab of red meat. I'll look for fish or seafood. No french fries, which is my Achilles' heel. I'll also try to stay away from the pasta dishes that I usually love. But if there's something really nice on offer like home made ravioli, I might just go for that. It'll depend.
- Evaluation: No succes. The first day I had the duck and the second day I had a kangooroo steak. But to be honest the portion sizes were tiny and we had busy days, so I feel OK about my choices. I needed the energy. I doidn't touch any french fries at all, so I pat myself on the back for that.

- Original Plan: Skip this and have a coffee instead. If I can't get out of it, try something low-cal like fruit or sorbet.
- Evaluation: Half success. On the first day I had pineapple carpaccio with sorbet. It was yummy! The second day however I had the most delicious trio of chocolate. I should feel guilty about this but it's difficult because I enjoyed every mouthful. It was rich and divine. I still didn't overeat at all, but it was a bit over the top. Bad points for me.

All in all I think I did pretty good. I never overate at all, the portion sizes were too tiny for that. I could have done better by skipping the chocolate dessert, I have to admit though it was too good to feel guilty about. Keeping in mind that I want this diet to be a lifestyle change and not a straight jacket. Indulgences like this will happen, I just need to be careful not to have them every day. I am happy I devised this plan and at least tried to stick with it. It made me mindful not to eat blindly, like with the bread.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Restaurant plan of attack

Badminton was super-super-superfun! I certainly haven't lost my technique - got a pretty solid serve if I do say so myself - and I was able to keep up as well. I guess all that running is doing something for my physical condition. I was a bit afraid of hurting my ankle; I have twisted it a few times in the past and it's still wobbly from time to time. But it held up perfectly. It had been a really hot today yesterday, so the sports hall was like a sauna in the evening. As a result, the sweat was flying. I didn't care though, I was having too much fun. Can't wait to go again next week!

It's almost weekend, woot! We are going on a trip with the in-laws. I know some people cringe at that thought, but I love my in-laws! They are fantastic, non-boundary stomping folks who help out regularly with the kids. MiniMe and ZwitsalBaby are their only grandchildren (so far) and they love them to bits. Sis and brother in law are also fabulous, all in all this promises to be a fun filled weekend. There is one problem though...

They are foodies.

They love their food and drink. Luckily they only go for the good quality stuff and don't mind spending the extra money. They're also generous and take us along to restaurants frequently. I love them for this, but restaurants are my downfall. I always end up overeating and consuming too much alcohol. The outing will start this evening with a dinner at the very nice hotel restaurant. Although I don't know what the menu looks like, I do need a game plan, like a few rules stuck in my head that will keep me from binging. So here are my rules:

Alcohol - This is the thing I will choose to indulge in. The plan is to have two glasses maximum and that's it. Just enough to get a taste, but not enough to get hammered.

Bread - Stay away from it! It just fills me up and I don't get to enjoy the other food as much. And off course it comes with the best butter, full of saturated fats and salt. Steering clear of that.

Starter - Go for the veggie option, like a soup or a salad. To get my vitamins in and go easy on my stomach.

Main course - No big slab of red meat. I'll look for fish or seafood. No french fries, which is my Achilles' heel. I'll also try to stay away from the pasta dishes that I usually love. But if there's something really nice on offer like home made ravioli, I might just go for that. It'll depend.

Dessert - Skip this and have a coffee instead. If I can't get out of it, try something low-cal like fruit or sorbet.

Oh dear I hope I can stick to my plan of attack... I will evaluate after the weekend to see if I did. Stay tuned!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Badminton, Baby!

This past week has been really good, including the weekend. I have been sticking to my points allowance for the most part. (On Sunday evening I indulged a little. We had been walking around an amusement park with the kids all day and I was famished.) Keeping up the exercise hasn't been as difficult as I had expected; my energy levels are surprisingly high. I guess I owe that to cutting out the crap: I don't have the usual sugar highs-and-lows anymore. I am getting plenty of fiber, enough protein and almost all the sugars I am taking in are coming from fruit.

But (why must there always be a but?) I am hungry. There's no denying it. I am not hungry all day every day, but it does happen. It has been that way with any diet that was successful for me. I can deal with it just fine; I usually have a glass of water, a coffee (black) or one of my fruity snacks. It does make me wonder though if it's a necessary evil we have to go through?

On the exercise front I am reacquainting myself with an old favorite: Badminton. After I graduated back in 2005, I started playing badminton on Thursday evening with some friends. After a while the friends quit, but then Engineer Daddy joined. I love this sport so much, mostly because it feeds the - usually dormant - competitive side in me. I can work up a serious sweat and not even notice it because I'm having so much fun.

I stopped playing when I was 5 months pregnant with MiniMe. After she was born, during the breastfeeding period I preferred staying home with her in the evening. When she was weaned I still stayed home because one of us had to keep an eye on her. And then a few months later the cycle of pregnancy and breastfeeding started again. Engineer Daddy and I decided this was something we needed to do together again. For the first time ever we're hiring a babysitter (that is not family). I am so happy we made this decision.

Tomorrow is going to be hell with sore muscles. Oh well.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Evening run

I love running in the evening. Tonight we were having a beautiful summer evening with a colorful sunset. I ran past a meadow with a few horses. It was all so romantic.

Another reason is that on evenings when I go running I am so good about my eating. I am careful not to eat too much at dinner before the run, and afterwards I don't eat any crap either because I don't want to undo the good work I did. Love it!

To be honest I don't really like running as a sport. But I do like the many advantages it brings:
  • You can do it anytime, even in the middle of the night if you'd like.
  • You can do it anywhere.
  • You don't need much: The only big investment is the shoes. And even they're not that expensive.
  • You don't need any specific training to be able to do it. Just put one foot in front of the other.
  • I can listen to the radio or my favorite music.
  • Fresh air.
  • If you choose your route carefully, it can be beautiful and extra relaxing (see my comment above).
I'm sure there are more advantages, just can't think of them right now. But the ones listed should be enough to get my ass moving.

Check out my running gear. Not only are my running shoes perfect for my running style, they are also pretty, don't you agree? And they match my mp3 player. I am such a fashionable runner *ahem*.

Stats Update

Soooo happy to finally be updating my stats. No, we didn't get a new scale, sadly, but I visited my parents two days ago and hopped on their scale. And it showed... *drumroll*... a 1kg loss! I am so excited right now. So here are the new stats:

Height 165cm (5'5")
Starting weight 76.5kg (168.6lbs)
Starting BMI 28.1
Current weight 75.5kg (166.4lbs)
Current BMI 27.7
Lost weight 1kg (2.2lbs)
Goal weight 64kg (141lbs)
Goal BMI 23.5

I updated my ticker.

Now, 1kg might not seem like so much in 6 weeks time, but I have to keep in mind that in those 6 weeks, we went on vacation where there was wine, seafood and croissants. We also had a wedding where I enjoyed the buffet and the open bar without thinking, and in general the other weekends were not so good either. So in that respect a 1kg loss, or any loss at all, is wonderful. I have been sticking to healthy eating in the week and all the exercise I've been doing is rewarding me with an overall weight loss anyway.

This shows that if I stick with my diet during the weekends as well, I can really shed the pounds fast enough. But if I do cheat in the weekends, it'll be OK too. That last part is really important to me, because I want to be able to cheat now and then. As long as the number on the scale goes down, it's all good. That being said, I hope I'll be able to stick to healthier eating in the weekend as well, just for my general well being. A cheat day once every two weeks sounds good to me.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Favourite low points food

I know I posted that I wouldn't share too much about how many WW points I am eating, but I feel like I should be able to talk a little bit about some diet foods that I enjoy eating. Therefore here is a post about my favorite low WW points food.

I ate it a few times as a kid and really enjoyed it back then. Somehow I forgot about it during my adult years. Then after MiniMe's birth I read something about oatmeal boosting breastmilk supply, so I went ahead and reacquainted myself. I make it really easy for myself: I put about 30g in a bowl, pour over 150ml milk (semi skimmed), heat it in the microwave and as the finishing touch I add a tablespoon of honey. It tastes quite nice and gives a full feeling for a few hours until I have my mid morning snack. I'm also giving it to MiniMe every morning and she's loving it. In the past few years I've read a lot of good things about oatmeal: lowers bad cholesterol, high in fiber, good for blood pressure. Superfood all the way

Cottage Cheese
A lot of people hate this stuff, but I strongly disagree. Cheese is a great source of calcium, something us ladies need to make sure we get enough of. But most cheeses are also very fatty. Cottage cheese is a great way of getting that calcium in and enjoying the cheese flavor without the fat content. I can have a 200g portion of cottage cheese for lunch and be satisfied. It's perfect! To top it off the flavor is enhanced when cucumber and cherry tomatoes are added. Win - win - win!! I don't eat it daily though because it is pretty expensive, or at least the brand I like is. I'd say I have one every weekend and enjoy every mouthful.

This speaks for itself. Apples, pears, peaches, bananas, mango, pineapple, strawberries keep 'em coming! They are my standard snack foods. I eat at least three pieces of fruit each day, that's a habit I started during my first pregnancy and I have been able to keep it up afterwards. Both my children are also fruit lovers so after grocery shopping our refrigerator is always stuffed. It's sometimes a bit tedious to prepare them in the morning (some fruit like mango or pineapple must be sliced up beforehand), but all that effort is well worth it.

I know a lot of people who only eat soup during winter when it's cold out. But I can have it all year long. It's such an easy and efficient way to get your veggie intake. Plus children love soup, that way everyone's happy.

Coca Cola Zero
Before there was Zero, I used to drink Diet Coke, which was OK but not great. When Coke Zero became popular it was like a whole new world opened up to me. This shit tastes amazing! I don't have one each day, as fizzy caffeinated beverages have their disadvantages. On average I think I have one every other day. Certainly my favorite non alcoholic drink.

Secret Eaters

I love love looove weight loss reality TV. It's a guilty pleasure of mine I very rarely admit to. The reasons for this are varied. Firstly I identify with those fatties on TV; I can empathize greatly with them. Like them, I love relaxing on the sofa and stuffing my face with everything that's bad for me. I am not quite as heavy as most of them, but with a BMI of 28 I feel like I am slowly but surely getting there. Secondly these shows motivate me. I don't want to let my weight get as far out of hand as they did. And if they can successfully lose weight, then surely I can too! Thirdly, I enjoy the fat shaming. I know that does not make me come off as a nice person, but I do. I wonder why that is, because I could certainly use a good kick in the backside as well.

Anyway, I'll talk about my favorite one so far: Secret Eaters, a British Channel 4 show. So far there are two seasons, with 6 and 8 episodes respectively. It's a series that follows people who don't understand why they are fat. Cameras are installed in their house and a few detectives follow them during 5 days to log exactly what they eat. Then off course they are presented with the results. I have not seen this show on TV myself, but all episodes are on YouTube.

I'm sure there's a lot of good TV editing and some acting going on, but that makes it entertaining TV! These people did not realize what they were eating. That these little bits and pieces (a sandwich, potato chips, one cookie here and there) actually add up to an impressive amount of calories.

The fat shaming in this show is also quite entertaining. The calorie consumption is revealed in this lab-like environment where they showcase some of the food that was eaten during the 5 days of "investigation". They inform the participants of their maximum and average daily calorie intake (staggering numbers sometimes), and they pick apart a few meals to show exactly where the calories come from. The shock on the participants' faces is priceless. They are incredulous and ashamed, sometimes to the point of tears. I know others will not like that part of the show and call it degrading and condescending. While that is certainly true, it doesn't bother me really.

I think the main reasons I love this shows is because it hits so close to home. The difference between me and these people is that I am fully aware of why I am fat. I know exactly what I eat and how much. But it's the way they eat the bad foods that is recognizable: The bag of potato chips while watching TV, the over-consumption of alcohol at a friend's house, using too much butter in food preparation etc etc. I guess I should be even more ashamed than these people because while they had no idea, I totally do! I know what I have to do to lose weight, now I just have to commit to it, dammit. That's motivation for sure.

One episode that really stuck with me is episode 4 of season 2. It's about two sisters who are not obese, but overweight. One of them is really fit, training for a marathon even! But doesn't shed the pounds because she still takes in too much calories. Off course I am nowhere near running a freakin' marathon, but I do see myself as a relatively fit person. (I commute by bicycle every day, I do Zumba once a week, badminton once a week, I run 3.3 miles 3 times a week.) But I still overeat, so no wonder the pounds don't shift.

Maybe I should volunteer for the next season? I don't think so. I'm waaaay to much of a private person for something like this. But I could use the kick up the ass, oh yes I could.

(picture: courtesy of Channel4)

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Runner's high

I got it, my first runner's high! I know about the swimmer's high; experienced it back in the day when I went swimming regularly. Usually when I had done 1km, it felt like I could go on for hours. I figured it would take some more time for it to happen with running, but fortunately it came pretty soon.

It was one week ago. The weekend had been pretty crazy (with the wedding and all) and Monday evening I set out to go for a leisurely run. The temperature was perfect, it had already started to cool down a bit. The sun had started to descend but it was not dark yet. After the weekend-long orgy, I had eaten a light dinner. As a result of all these factors, the run was just perfect. I wasn't breathless at any point, didn't get those fracking side-stings and 30 minutes in, I got my awesome runner's high. "King of the world, baby!!!" The thought of extending my run crossed my mind, but as a beginner I decided against it. In hindsight definitely the right decision.

It's every bit as amazing as I hoped it would be. I can't wait for the next one.

Starting once again

ZwitsalBaby is better, thankfully. He has still got a little wheezing in his breath and coughs from time to time, but we're keeping an eye on that. Since his recovery I have been on vacation and having too much distraction to really focus on this weight loss thing. But here I am again. Back at work since a few weeks and ready to rock.

I'm doing great with the running. The shoes are awesome; they feel like I am running on clouds. Since coming back from vacation I have been out jogging 2-3 times a week for 30-40 minutes. While running, I pace myself and take regular walking breaks. At the moment I can do 5.3km in 40 minutes. Not too shabby if I do say so myself. One thing I have to watch out for is my ankle: I twisted it a few years ago while playing badminton and it still bothers me from time to time. Yesterday evening I went running and today during lunch break I did Zumba. At the moment it's feeling a little sore, so I better let it rest for a few days. The last thing I want right now is an injury.

The eating has not been perfect. I am not counting points at all; my excuse is I am too busy, but that's all it is, an excuse. During the week it's not too bad: I pack my lunch and my fruity snacks and I am not really tempted by the cookies or other stuff at work. But in the weekend it's booze and pastries and potato chips galore. And then shame. Two weekends ago we had a wedding and I totally let myself go. It was glorious, but too much. I have to start back up again with the points counting. It's on my to-do list, I swear.

I am also on a mission to get a new scale. I have no idea what my weight is at the moment. I think I am still at my starting weight, but I just want to make sure. I need some motivation and accountability. And then I can finally update my ticker (hopefully with a lower weight, fingers crossed).

Thursday, July 25, 2013

On hold

Weight journey on hold for the moment. ZwitsalBaby is in the hospital with pneumonia. Everything is looking good for him and he's almost ready to come home.

As a result though, I have no time whatsoever for planning my meals or even counting my points. The diet must be put on hold until my son is healthy and I can concentrate on it again.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Trucking along

An update on weight is not possible at the moment. We haven't bought a scale yet. Just couldn't find the time this weekend. I don't really care, as I do feel like I'm doing a good job at the moment.

The weekend was full of temptation but I coped well. I went a bit over my points allowance but not too much. We had a BBQ on Saturday but the only bad things I had were a few meat balls and a glass of white wine. And then on Sunday it was dinner at my in laws; usually a big feast but because of the hot weather mother in law just prepared some salad and cold cuts. So to compensate I had some potato chips she put out as appetizer. Didn't feel the least bit guilty about it. I am constantly reminding myself that this is a lifestyle change, not a diet. The weight can come off slowly, that is fine by me.

I am still doing well with the cookies at work, i.e. stearing clear completely. I hardly even notice them anymore.

In other news I bought myself some running shoes. Quite the investment, but at least now I have no more excuses! Gonna try them out as soon as possible. While I was at the store I saw some cute workout clothes on sale. I didn't think I was going to fit into the top, but the size L (large) fit quite nicely. One of the reasons for that is my post-breastfeeding boobs. Four years ago they would have never fit into a cute little workout top, but now in their deflated state they can. Hey. gotta see the glass as half full, amirite? I bought some nice pants that fit my post pregnancy ass too. All set, baby!

During my lunch hour today I went to Zumba class. I was wearing the cute top and feeling quite good. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and thought "Hey I don't look to bad!" Off course that could be the Body Dismorphia talking. Ha!

On that note I bid you farewell (for now).

Friday, July 19, 2013

Ssshhh it's a secret!

I have started many diets in the past, only a few I've actually followed through. One main thing I've noticed is that I never make a big announcement about it. It's all very hush-hush. I don't really want people to know about it because I don't want them to have high expectations. I'd much rather just hide in a cave somewhere or put on my cloak of invisibility for a year, to then emerge perfectly svelte and gorgeous. "Tadaaaa! Bet you didn't see that one coming?"

I haven't even told Engineer Daddy about it. I'm the one who does the grocery shopping in our household anyway, so he won't notice that I'm buying more cottage cheese and ricecakes instead of potato chips and chocolate. The only thing he could possibly notice is that I'm eating smaller portions at dinner, but that's about it. What he has clearly noticed is my new habit of jogging a few times a week and he's very supportive of it. But to him that's more about fitness than weight loss. (For me it's about both.)

I wonder if other people do that too.

Before stats and pics

So here they are, the dreaded before pics! I didn't really think too much about lighting and stuff. I just took them last night with our tablet before I went to bed.

When I first saw them I thought "Oh but you won't be able to see my arms very well because of the way I'm holding the camera." On second thought you can see my right arm in all its glory with bingo wing! So it works out quite well anyway.

Is it strange that I still think I don't look too bad? I mean I'm clearly overweight, but my shape is still nice. Sometimes I believe I have inverse body dismorphia, i.e. I don't grasp the full reality of my overweightness, even when looking in the mirror or at pictures.

Well I guess that's a good thing anyway. I don't want to hate my body ever. It has done some amazing things, and I still need it to get around for a few more years.

Hmmm I'm getting off track here. Oh right, the stats! As I've mentioned in a previous post, our scale is broken right now so I don't have an exact idea of my current weight. The last time I weighed myself was a few weeks ago at my mother's house and the scale said 76.5kg (168.6lbs). I don't think I've lost so much since then so I'll take that as my starting weight.

So here come the stats!
Height 165cm (5'5")
Starting weight 76.5kg (168.6lbs)
Starting BMI 28.1
Current weight 76.5kg (168.6lbs)
Current BMI 28.1
Lost weight 0kg (0lbs)
Goal weight 64kg (141lbs)
Goal BMI 23.5

I'll try to update these once a week. Possibly less, but we'll see how it goes. I don't want to stress out too much over numbers.

 I also got myself a ticker. Cool huh?

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Why this blog?

My entire adult life I have balanced on the edge of the overweight border (BMI 25). Mostly below, sometimes above. My happiest weight was 64kg (141lbs), but I think for the last period before my first pregnancy I weighed about 66kg (145.5lbs). I was content with that. Oh and for the record my height is 165cm (5'5").

Then I had kids. I ballooned to 90kg (198lbs) with my first pregnancy and got back down to 73kg (161lbs) pretty soon after. When I had my son I went up to 85kg (187lbs) and now I am stuck at 76.5kg (168.6lbs). It is time to reclaim my body. I've just recently finished breastfeeding my son so there's nothing standing in my way anymore.

Why do I want to lose weight? It's not health reasons per se. I consider myself a healthy person right now; I think it's totally possible to be overweight and healthy. I eat plenty of fruit and vegetables and drink enough water. I am also active: I commute to work by bicycle and exercise several times a week (jogging, Zumba, badminton). Off course next to the fruit and veg I eat plenty of other stuff too, hence the post baby flab that is not shifting.

It's mostly a control issue. Weight gain is a slippery slope and I don't want to wake up one day weighing 82kg (180lbs) and being classified as obese. And that's when I think health issues will start to pop up.

And then there's vanity. I do think I look OK right now. I am lucky to be blessed with an hour glass figure. But my ass is too big; my belly and arms are flabby. I feel OK, but I don't feel pretty and I want to feel pretty again.

Two weeks ago I already made some small changes: I stopped the mindless grazing. I noticed I was putting things in my mouth without even thinking, and those were most certainly not fruit and veggies. My employer provides cookies - to go with our coffee - every morning and afternoon. They are placed next to the coffee machine. It's so easy to grab one and not even think about that. My other downfall is grabbing a bag of potato chips in the evening when I'm watching TV. Once I pop I can't stop, and I needed to cut that out too. So far that's been going fine, I don't really feel deprived at all. In the weekends I have slipped a little bit, but got back on track without looking back.

However it doesn't seem to be enough. I feel like I need more accountability. How will I approach that? I have not made a fixed decision yet but I'm thinking about counting Weight Watchers Points. I've done it in the past and really liked it. I am not gonna join official meetings for now. My schedule is already so crazy. I don't see how I could ever fit it in. Maybe I'll sign up for WW online after a while but first I want to try it on my own. I don't plan to share too much about how many points I'm eating etc. This blog will serve mainly as a place to write down my thoughts and musings on food, dieting, weight loss and body image in general. I do plan on adding progress pictures and statistics as a motivational tool . I can't do that yet because our scale is broken. When we get a new one I will make sure to post them.

My goal is to weigh 64kg (141lbs) again. That would give me a BMI of 23.5 which I think is perfect. But I am not setting any deadline for that. If the weight comes off slowly that's fine by me.

I don't know if anyone will read this blog. Right now it's more for myself than anything else. Anyone who wants to come along for the ride is free to join.


I am a mother to two lovely children. For the sake of anonimity, I will call them MiniMe (daughter, 2.5 years old) and ZwitsalBaby (son, 9 months old). They are the loves of my life.

 I am the partner of a wonderful man. He has been my rock for the past 12 years. We met at university, fell in love, graduated, moved in together, bought a house and put two little ones on this planet. I will refer to him as Engineer Daddy.

 I am an engineer and I work full time. I love my job: It's challenging, the pay is nice and the colleagues are wonderful. I am one lucky gal.

 I am also overweight. This is the reason I started this blog. More info on that in my second post.