Thursday, July 25, 2013

On hold

Weight journey on hold for the moment. ZwitsalBaby is in the hospital with pneumonia. Everything is looking good for him and he's almost ready to come home.

As a result though, I have no time whatsoever for planning my meals or even counting my points. The diet must be put on hold until my son is healthy and I can concentrate on it again.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Trucking along

An update on weight is not possible at the moment. We haven't bought a scale yet. Just couldn't find the time this weekend. I don't really care, as I do feel like I'm doing a good job at the moment.

The weekend was full of temptation but I coped well. I went a bit over my points allowance but not too much. We had a BBQ on Saturday but the only bad things I had were a few meat balls and a glass of white wine. And then on Sunday it was dinner at my in laws; usually a big feast but because of the hot weather mother in law just prepared some salad and cold cuts. So to compensate I had some potato chips she put out as appetizer. Didn't feel the least bit guilty about it. I am constantly reminding myself that this is a lifestyle change, not a diet. The weight can come off slowly, that is fine by me.

I am still doing well with the cookies at work, i.e. stearing clear completely. I hardly even notice them anymore.

In other news I bought myself some running shoes. Quite the investment, but at least now I have no more excuses! Gonna try them out as soon as possible. While I was at the store I saw some cute workout clothes on sale. I didn't think I was going to fit into the top, but the size L (large) fit quite nicely. One of the reasons for that is my post-breastfeeding boobs. Four years ago they would have never fit into a cute little workout top, but now in their deflated state they can. Hey. gotta see the glass as half full, amirite? I bought some nice pants that fit my post pregnancy ass too. All set, baby!

During my lunch hour today I went to Zumba class. I was wearing the cute top and feeling quite good. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and thought "Hey I don't look to bad!" Off course that could be the Body Dismorphia talking. Ha!

On that note I bid you farewell (for now).

Friday, July 19, 2013

Ssshhh it's a secret!

I have started many diets in the past, only a few I've actually followed through. One main thing I've noticed is that I never make a big announcement about it. It's all very hush-hush. I don't really want people to know about it because I don't want them to have high expectations. I'd much rather just hide in a cave somewhere or put on my cloak of invisibility for a year, to then emerge perfectly svelte and gorgeous. "Tadaaaa! Bet you didn't see that one coming?"

I haven't even told Engineer Daddy about it. I'm the one who does the grocery shopping in our household anyway, so he won't notice that I'm buying more cottage cheese and ricecakes instead of potato chips and chocolate. The only thing he could possibly notice is that I'm eating smaller portions at dinner, but that's about it. What he has clearly noticed is my new habit of jogging a few times a week and he's very supportive of it. But to him that's more about fitness than weight loss. (For me it's about both.)

I wonder if other people do that too.

Before stats and pics

So here they are, the dreaded before pics! I didn't really think too much about lighting and stuff. I just took them last night with our tablet before I went to bed.

When I first saw them I thought "Oh but you won't be able to see my arms very well because of the way I'm holding the camera." On second thought you can see my right arm in all its glory with bingo wing! So it works out quite well anyway.

Is it strange that I still think I don't look too bad? I mean I'm clearly overweight, but my shape is still nice. Sometimes I believe I have inverse body dismorphia, i.e. I don't grasp the full reality of my overweightness, even when looking in the mirror or at pictures.

Well I guess that's a good thing anyway. I don't want to hate my body ever. It has done some amazing things, and I still need it to get around for a few more years.

Hmmm I'm getting off track here. Oh right, the stats! As I've mentioned in a previous post, our scale is broken right now so I don't have an exact idea of my current weight. The last time I weighed myself was a few weeks ago at my mother's house and the scale said 76.5kg (168.6lbs). I don't think I've lost so much since then so I'll take that as my starting weight.

So here come the stats!
Height 165cm (5'5")
Starting weight 76.5kg (168.6lbs)
Starting BMI 28.1
Current weight 76.5kg (168.6lbs)
Current BMI 28.1
Lost weight 0kg (0lbs)
Goal weight 64kg (141lbs)
Goal BMI 23.5

I'll try to update these once a week. Possibly less, but we'll see how it goes. I don't want to stress out too much over numbers.

 I also got myself a ticker. Cool huh?

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Why this blog?

My entire adult life I have balanced on the edge of the overweight border (BMI 25). Mostly below, sometimes above. My happiest weight was 64kg (141lbs), but I think for the last period before my first pregnancy I weighed about 66kg (145.5lbs). I was content with that. Oh and for the record my height is 165cm (5'5").

Then I had kids. I ballooned to 90kg (198lbs) with my first pregnancy and got back down to 73kg (161lbs) pretty soon after. When I had my son I went up to 85kg (187lbs) and now I am stuck at 76.5kg (168.6lbs). It is time to reclaim my body. I've just recently finished breastfeeding my son so there's nothing standing in my way anymore.

Why do I want to lose weight? It's not health reasons per se. I consider myself a healthy person right now; I think it's totally possible to be overweight and healthy. I eat plenty of fruit and vegetables and drink enough water. I am also active: I commute to work by bicycle and exercise several times a week (jogging, Zumba, badminton). Off course next to the fruit and veg I eat plenty of other stuff too, hence the post baby flab that is not shifting.

It's mostly a control issue. Weight gain is a slippery slope and I don't want to wake up one day weighing 82kg (180lbs) and being classified as obese. And that's when I think health issues will start to pop up.

And then there's vanity. I do think I look OK right now. I am lucky to be blessed with an hour glass figure. But my ass is too big; my belly and arms are flabby. I feel OK, but I don't feel pretty and I want to feel pretty again.

Two weeks ago I already made some small changes: I stopped the mindless grazing. I noticed I was putting things in my mouth without even thinking, and those were most certainly not fruit and veggies. My employer provides cookies - to go with our coffee - every morning and afternoon. They are placed next to the coffee machine. It's so easy to grab one and not even think about that. My other downfall is grabbing a bag of potato chips in the evening when I'm watching TV. Once I pop I can't stop, and I needed to cut that out too. So far that's been going fine, I don't really feel deprived at all. In the weekends I have slipped a little bit, but got back on track without looking back.

However it doesn't seem to be enough. I feel like I need more accountability. How will I approach that? I have not made a fixed decision yet but I'm thinking about counting Weight Watchers Points. I've done it in the past and really liked it. I am not gonna join official meetings for now. My schedule is already so crazy. I don't see how I could ever fit it in. Maybe I'll sign up for WW online after a while but first I want to try it on my own. I don't plan to share too much about how many points I'm eating etc. This blog will serve mainly as a place to write down my thoughts and musings on food, dieting, weight loss and body image in general. I do plan on adding progress pictures and statistics as a motivational tool . I can't do that yet because our scale is broken. When we get a new one I will make sure to post them.

My goal is to weigh 64kg (141lbs) again. That would give me a BMI of 23.5 which I think is perfect. But I am not setting any deadline for that. If the weight comes off slowly that's fine by me.

I don't know if anyone will read this blog. Right now it's more for myself than anything else. Anyone who wants to come along for the ride is free to join.


I am a mother to two lovely children. For the sake of anonimity, I will call them MiniMe (daughter, 2.5 years old) and ZwitsalBaby (son, 9 months old). They are the loves of my life.

 I am the partner of a wonderful man. He has been my rock for the past 12 years. We met at university, fell in love, graduated, moved in together, bought a house and put two little ones on this planet. I will refer to him as Engineer Daddy.

 I am an engineer and I work full time. I love my job: It's challenging, the pay is nice and the colleagues are wonderful. I am one lucky gal.

 I am also overweight. This is the reason I started this blog. More info on that in my second post.